Showing posts with label yated. Show all posts
Showing posts with label yated. Show all posts
Thursday, September 03, 2009
Wednesday, August 05, 2009
Yated no more?
My free email subscription to the American Yated is going away. It now will cost $15 a year, leading me to wonder if I can support them, and if so is it worth that much to me. I generally read the letters column, the 2 halacha columns, and the 'ooh, shabbes is SO special' column. Once in a while I print off a recipe. Worth it or no?
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Sauce for the gander
I really feel for this anonymous man who is being deprived of the opportunity to shep nachas from his daughters and grandaughters for no reason other than gender. May this injustice and others like them quickly be corrected. The letter appears in this weeks Yated.
BAIS YAAKOV GRADUATIONS: INSENSITIVE
Dear Editor,
Recently, certain Bais Yaakov schools have changed their policy in regard to both high school and elementary school graduations. Whereas fathers and zaides were previously allowed to attend, now they are herded into a separate room and only allowed to enter the auditorium at the end of the ceremony for the handing out of diplomas. These schools might as well forbid males to attend the entire ceremony. It is demeaning and insensitive to treat fathers and zaides this way. On the day when they want to shep nachas from their daughters and granddaughters, they are treated like second-class citizens. If the administration feels men shouldn't listen to girls' valedictorian speeches, they should ban them from coming outright. One is either given a proper invitation or not invited. Becoming "frummer" should never be at the cost of hurting another's feelings. As Chazal tell us in Pirkei Avos (4:2), "Who is honored? He who honors others."
Name Withheld
BAIS YAAKOV GRADUATIONS: INSENSITIVE
Dear Editor,
Recently, certain Bais Yaakov schools have changed their policy in regard to both high school and elementary school graduations. Whereas fathers and zaides were previously allowed to attend, now they are herded into a separate room and only allowed to enter the auditorium at the end of the ceremony for the handing out of diplomas. These schools might as well forbid males to attend the entire ceremony. It is demeaning and insensitive to treat fathers and zaides this way. On the day when they want to shep nachas from their daughters and granddaughters, they are treated like second-class citizens. If the administration feels men shouldn't listen to girls' valedictorian speeches, they should ban them from coming outright. One is either given a proper invitation or not invited. Becoming "frummer" should never be at the cost of hurting another's feelings. As Chazal tell us in Pirkei Avos (4:2), "Who is honored? He who honors others."
Name Withheld
Friday, October 10, 2008
A Yated letter that needs to be read
WE NEED IT TOO
Dear Editor,
I’m pretty sure that I am speaking on behalf of many Jewish girls. I’m sure they will agree with me on an issue I’ve finally decided to voice my thoughts on.
A “frum-from-birth” person is born frum and born to live a religious lifestyle. She has no choice; she was born that way. She’s expected to do all the mitzvos, no questions asked. Chas veshalom if you ask questions about Judaism. A baalas teshuvah, however, becomes frum on her own free will. Why? Because everything, Judaism and all the mitzvos, were explained to her, detail by detail. She asked myriad questions and she got answers. This was all probably through a kiruv organization.
“FFBs,” however, are expected to act frum with no explanations. Judaism isn’t explained to us. To whom should we address our questions without anyone’s eyebrows being raised?
In school, lessons are being taught, but questions arise. You can’t ask questions in school because, number one, there are too many, and number two, because classmates and teachers will think you’ve gone crazy! Well, maybe not all my classmates, since I’m sure I’m not the only one. After all, I’m a normal, smart, yeshivishe Bais Yaakov high school student from Monsey and no one suspects a thing. I’m actually considered one of the more yeshivishe and frum girls of my class, but I still harbor questions! So you never know, there may be so many more like me.
Maybe Yiddishkeit can be explained to frum Bais Yaakov girls as much as it’s explained in a kiruv shiur or a kiruv camp.
Thank you.
S. F.
Larry's comments follow:
I couldn't agree more. This cry is repeated at all levels - BTs complain that after they leave their initial kiruv situation they feel abandoned and neglected, gerim say that post-conversion their formal education comes to an end. Judaism is supposed to entail education for life - and not just the rote memorization of halacha and minhag, and not just divrei torah, but serious spiritual struggle with both our texts and the world. Growing up as a Conservative Jew, I was told that one of our big differences from other religions is that free questioning was not just allowed, but desired. That spirit needs to be part of Orthodoxy as well. No one ever died from a question, but people need to ask them if only to hear an authority figure say "I don't know, but nevertheless I believe."
Dear Editor,
I’m pretty sure that I am speaking on behalf of many Jewish girls. I’m sure they will agree with me on an issue I’ve finally decided to voice my thoughts on.
A “frum-from-birth” person is born frum and born to live a religious lifestyle. She has no choice; she was born that way. She’s expected to do all the mitzvos, no questions asked. Chas veshalom if you ask questions about Judaism. A baalas teshuvah, however, becomes frum on her own free will. Why? Because everything, Judaism and all the mitzvos, were explained to her, detail by detail. She asked myriad questions and she got answers. This was all probably through a kiruv organization.
“FFBs,” however, are expected to act frum with no explanations. Judaism isn’t explained to us. To whom should we address our questions without anyone’s eyebrows being raised?
In school, lessons are being taught, but questions arise. You can’t ask questions in school because, number one, there are too many, and number two, because classmates and teachers will think you’ve gone crazy! Well, maybe not all my classmates, since I’m sure I’m not the only one. After all, I’m a normal, smart, yeshivishe Bais Yaakov high school student from Monsey and no one suspects a thing. I’m actually considered one of the more yeshivishe and frum girls of my class, but I still harbor questions! So you never know, there may be so many more like me.
Maybe Yiddishkeit can be explained to frum Bais Yaakov girls as much as it’s explained in a kiruv shiur or a kiruv camp.
Thank you.
S. F.
Larry's comments follow:
I couldn't agree more. This cry is repeated at all levels - BTs complain that after they leave their initial kiruv situation they feel abandoned and neglected, gerim say that post-conversion their formal education comes to an end. Judaism is supposed to entail education for life - and not just the rote memorization of halacha and minhag, and not just divrei torah, but serious spiritual struggle with both our texts and the world. Growing up as a Conservative Jew, I was told that one of our big differences from other religions is that free questioning was not just allowed, but desired. That spirit needs to be part of Orthodoxy as well. No one ever died from a question, but people need to ask them if only to hear an authority figure say "I don't know, but nevertheless I believe."
Thursday, July 03, 2008
Yated quotes Hirhurim!
From this weeks email version of Yated:
Why do People Stay Orthodox?
by Avrohom Birnbaum
“Why do people become Orthodox?” was the question posed.
This was one answer:
“Community. Orthodoxy creates a powerful caretaking community. Little wonder that so many step into an Orthodox synagogue and feel instinctively, here is the emotional core of religion at its best. The shul visitor to Shabbos lunch quotient, which I propose as a measure of a community’s fidelity to itself, is immeasurably higher in Orthodox communities…”
Here is a second answer:
“Coherence. This is not only a feature of Orthodoxy, it is the defining intellectual position. All of the tradition is essentially seamless…There is no degree of apparent discontinuity that would persuade the Orthodox community that Moses…Maimonides…were practicing essentially different faiths…”
And a third answer:
“Connection…Mitzvah is, at bottom, ratzon haBoreh. …nothing can be greater than its fulfillment. G-d wishes it. A mitzvah can make a difference in the fabric of the universe… How pale, by comparison, is the dutiful liberal explanation that the mitzvoth will make you a more sensitive person, a more caring person, someone closer to the history and destiny of your people. Of what power is such therapeutic encouragement beside G-d’s expressed will?”
The reader may think that these answers were presented by one of the capable kiruv rechokim organizations that have done such wonderful work in bringing Acheinu Bnei Yisroel back to Avinu Shebashomayim. Believe it or not, these answers given to the question of “Why do people become Orthodox?” were written by a Conservative rabbi!
Before discussing the clergyman’s wise, insightful comments, the following disclaimer is in order. A little more than ten years ago, I penned my first op-ed article devoted to drawing the lines between Orthodoxy and Conservative and Reform Judaism. The piece lamented the fact that well-intentioned individuals were conducting kiruv rechokim efforts in Conservative and Reform temples, something that granted de facto legitimacy to those places of worship, thereby violating the ruling of the great roshei yeshiva of the previous generation that prohibited such conduct.
Ten years later, I am citing fascinating quotes from a Conservative rabbi named Rabbi David Wolpe on why Jews become frum. No, I have not changed my opinion on the prohibition of collaboration with Conservative clergy, nor would it make a difference if I did. The ruling of the roshei yeshiva is incontrovertible.
Nevertheless, these quotes, far from placing legitimacy on Conservative Judaism and their clergy, do just the opposite. They show how even from within the very leadership of the movement, their own clergy admit to the bankruptcy of their denomination. The only question that he leaves open is why he himself does not become Orthodox!
I was sent the above quotes by a friend who gleaned them from “Hirhurim,” a popular website that primarily offers the Modern Orthodox point of view.
Indeed, Wolpe’s wise ideas bear contemplation. He rightly zeroes in on two very important foundations of Torah Judaism.
I have not, however, cited these quotes to show the bankruptcy of Conservative Judaism. That has been proven repeatedly over the past few decades and is akin to beating a dead horse. Rather, I think that a far more contemporary lesson can be gleaned from the above mentioned remarks.
If the above answers are to the question of why people become Orthodox, I think we can extrapolate and ask, “Why do people stay Orthodox?”
It is no secret that our Torah observant communities - right, left and center - are experiencing the tragic loss of a small, but not insignificant, minority of our youth who are falling through the cracks and abandoning Torah observance. This abandonment is most often the result of physical and emotional issues, not because of any underlying ideological concerns that they have with Torah Judaism. If we desire to stem that tide, surely there are common themes between why someone would want to become frum and why someone would want to stay frum.
THE CONCEPT OF “COMMUNITY” OR “CHEVRA”
Community. Chazal refer to it as dibuk chaveirim. Dibuk chaveirim - belonging to a close-knit group of individuals and feeling that one is an integral part of a group - is an important component that cannot be understated. There are so many mitzvos that we primarily perform as a group, including davening with a minyan, eating seudos Shabbos, and many others. As Torah observant Jews, we sometimes take the idea of community for granted. We do not properly appreciate the tremendous boon represented by being part of a community, a shul, shteibel, a yeshiva or a kehillah. Lonely people who don’t belong to any particular group can attest to the fact that the loneliness, the feeling of not having others who care and who worry about their whereabouts if they don’t show up, is one of the most difficult things to bear. Belonging to a group is a foundation of Yiddishkeit that cannot be understated.
Undoubtedly, an important component in keeping youth anchored in a Torah lifestyle is giving them the true feeling that they belong to something, that they are an integral part of something bigger than themselves - a close-knit, warm community that truly cares about them. A community and a home that does things together, davens together, eats together, sings together and cares for one another together.
I have the sneaking suspicion that if one speaks to an average child who is at risk, one of the underlying feelings that will surface is the fact that he does not feel that he belongs; he does not feel that his community, family, school, rebbi, etc. really cares for him. He may be dead wrong, but in this case his perception matters even more than the facts. Therefore, projecting the ideal of dibuk chaverim, chevrah, and belonging to a close-knit community, school or yeshiva, and taking pains to connect with each child and teen on a personal level, are surely some of the most important factors in ensuring that “people stay Orthodox.”
THE CONCEPT OF “COHERENCE AND CONNECTION”
The second and third points mentioned by Wolpe are also very significant. He calls it “coherence and connection.” I would like to rename both points in our vernacular as “a solid hashkafa foundation.” Understanding why we perform mitzvos and serve Hashem. Understanding that we perform the same mitzvos as those performed by Moshe Rabbeinu and Rabi Akiva. Understanding that the mitzvos performed by little me and little you make a difference in this world and the Upper Worlds.
Understanding that mitzvos build celestial worlds and aveiros can destroy celestial worlds, and comprehending why that is so, are so integral to ensuring that a young child or teenager performs mitzvos not lifelessly and by rote, but with a penimius, with a fiery depth that is truly meaningful.
Recently, I had a discussion with a prominent yeshiva principal about the tremendous spiritual hurdles facing our youth, hurdles that we did not dream of encountering when we were younger. The menahel pointed out that, in his opinion, it is imperative to place a far greater emphasis on teaching the foundations of emunah and hashkafa in the upper elementary school grades if we want to have a chance of succeeding to inoculate our youth with a vaccine that will help them overcome the carnal pull that characterizes life in technology-saturated 21st Century.
If we want to equip our youth with the requisite tools to fight against the nisyonos, the spiritual tests and hurdles that face them daily, they must be firmly grounded in a solid hashkafa of what mitzvah observance is all about, what emunah is, and what it is that Hashem wants from us, our observance of mitzvos and our refraining from aveiros.
Just doing mitzvos by rote, because that is what everyone does, simply won’t do. We must take the time to address questions, even those that aren’t voiced. By doing so we can perhaps ensure that a niggling question or a kernel of doubt should not serve as the excuse and facade of legitimacy to follow the momentary, fleeting physical pleasures in exchange for true happiness, both in this world and the next.
Yes, just as these two critically important issues - of community, of belonging to something, combined with a renewed emphasis on the foundations of emunah and hashkafa at a young age - are indicative of why people become Orthodox, perhaps they are also two of the most integral components in ensuring that those who are Orthodox stay Orthodox. We can’t afford to ignore them.
Why do People Stay Orthodox?
by Avrohom Birnbaum
“Why do people become Orthodox?” was the question posed.
This was one answer:
“Community. Orthodoxy creates a powerful caretaking community. Little wonder that so many step into an Orthodox synagogue and feel instinctively, here is the emotional core of religion at its best. The shul visitor to Shabbos lunch quotient, which I propose as a measure of a community’s fidelity to itself, is immeasurably higher in Orthodox communities…”
Here is a second answer:
“Coherence. This is not only a feature of Orthodoxy, it is the defining intellectual position. All of the tradition is essentially seamless…There is no degree of apparent discontinuity that would persuade the Orthodox community that Moses…Maimonides…were practicing essentially different faiths…”
And a third answer:
“Connection…Mitzvah is, at bottom, ratzon haBoreh. …nothing can be greater than its fulfillment. G-d wishes it. A mitzvah can make a difference in the fabric of the universe… How pale, by comparison, is the dutiful liberal explanation that the mitzvoth will make you a more sensitive person, a more caring person, someone closer to the history and destiny of your people. Of what power is such therapeutic encouragement beside G-d’s expressed will?”
The reader may think that these answers were presented by one of the capable kiruv rechokim organizations that have done such wonderful work in bringing Acheinu Bnei Yisroel back to Avinu Shebashomayim. Believe it or not, these answers given to the question of “Why do people become Orthodox?” were written by a Conservative rabbi!
Before discussing the clergyman’s wise, insightful comments, the following disclaimer is in order. A little more than ten years ago, I penned my first op-ed article devoted to drawing the lines between Orthodoxy and Conservative and Reform Judaism. The piece lamented the fact that well-intentioned individuals were conducting kiruv rechokim efforts in Conservative and Reform temples, something that granted de facto legitimacy to those places of worship, thereby violating the ruling of the great roshei yeshiva of the previous generation that prohibited such conduct.
Ten years later, I am citing fascinating quotes from a Conservative rabbi named Rabbi David Wolpe on why Jews become frum. No, I have not changed my opinion on the prohibition of collaboration with Conservative clergy, nor would it make a difference if I did. The ruling of the roshei yeshiva is incontrovertible.
Nevertheless, these quotes, far from placing legitimacy on Conservative Judaism and their clergy, do just the opposite. They show how even from within the very leadership of the movement, their own clergy admit to the bankruptcy of their denomination. The only question that he leaves open is why he himself does not become Orthodox!
I was sent the above quotes by a friend who gleaned them from “Hirhurim,” a popular website that primarily offers the Modern Orthodox point of view.
Indeed, Wolpe’s wise ideas bear contemplation. He rightly zeroes in on two very important foundations of Torah Judaism.
I have not, however, cited these quotes to show the bankruptcy of Conservative Judaism. That has been proven repeatedly over the past few decades and is akin to beating a dead horse. Rather, I think that a far more contemporary lesson can be gleaned from the above mentioned remarks.
If the above answers are to the question of why people become Orthodox, I think we can extrapolate and ask, “Why do people stay Orthodox?”
It is no secret that our Torah observant communities - right, left and center - are experiencing the tragic loss of a small, but not insignificant, minority of our youth who are falling through the cracks and abandoning Torah observance. This abandonment is most often the result of physical and emotional issues, not because of any underlying ideological concerns that they have with Torah Judaism. If we desire to stem that tide, surely there are common themes between why someone would want to become frum and why someone would want to stay frum.
THE CONCEPT OF “COMMUNITY” OR “CHEVRA”
Community. Chazal refer to it as dibuk chaveirim. Dibuk chaveirim - belonging to a close-knit group of individuals and feeling that one is an integral part of a group - is an important component that cannot be understated. There are so many mitzvos that we primarily perform as a group, including davening with a minyan, eating seudos Shabbos, and many others. As Torah observant Jews, we sometimes take the idea of community for granted. We do not properly appreciate the tremendous boon represented by being part of a community, a shul, shteibel, a yeshiva or a kehillah. Lonely people who don’t belong to any particular group can attest to the fact that the loneliness, the feeling of not having others who care and who worry about their whereabouts if they don’t show up, is one of the most difficult things to bear. Belonging to a group is a foundation of Yiddishkeit that cannot be understated.
Undoubtedly, an important component in keeping youth anchored in a Torah lifestyle is giving them the true feeling that they belong to something, that they are an integral part of something bigger than themselves - a close-knit, warm community that truly cares about them. A community and a home that does things together, davens together, eats together, sings together and cares for one another together.
I have the sneaking suspicion that if one speaks to an average child who is at risk, one of the underlying feelings that will surface is the fact that he does not feel that he belongs; he does not feel that his community, family, school, rebbi, etc. really cares for him. He may be dead wrong, but in this case his perception matters even more than the facts. Therefore, projecting the ideal of dibuk chaverim, chevrah, and belonging to a close-knit community, school or yeshiva, and taking pains to connect with each child and teen on a personal level, are surely some of the most important factors in ensuring that “people stay Orthodox.”
THE CONCEPT OF “COHERENCE AND CONNECTION”
The second and third points mentioned by Wolpe are also very significant. He calls it “coherence and connection.” I would like to rename both points in our vernacular as “a solid hashkafa foundation.” Understanding why we perform mitzvos and serve Hashem. Understanding that we perform the same mitzvos as those performed by Moshe Rabbeinu and Rabi Akiva. Understanding that the mitzvos performed by little me and little you make a difference in this world and the Upper Worlds.
Understanding that mitzvos build celestial worlds and aveiros can destroy celestial worlds, and comprehending why that is so, are so integral to ensuring that a young child or teenager performs mitzvos not lifelessly and by rote, but with a penimius, with a fiery depth that is truly meaningful.
Recently, I had a discussion with a prominent yeshiva principal about the tremendous spiritual hurdles facing our youth, hurdles that we did not dream of encountering when we were younger. The menahel pointed out that, in his opinion, it is imperative to place a far greater emphasis on teaching the foundations of emunah and hashkafa in the upper elementary school grades if we want to have a chance of succeeding to inoculate our youth with a vaccine that will help them overcome the carnal pull that characterizes life in technology-saturated 21st Century.
If we want to equip our youth with the requisite tools to fight against the nisyonos, the spiritual tests and hurdles that face them daily, they must be firmly grounded in a solid hashkafa of what mitzvah observance is all about, what emunah is, and what it is that Hashem wants from us, our observance of mitzvos and our refraining from aveiros.
Just doing mitzvos by rote, because that is what everyone does, simply won’t do. We must take the time to address questions, even those that aren’t voiced. By doing so we can perhaps ensure that a niggling question or a kernel of doubt should not serve as the excuse and facade of legitimacy to follow the momentary, fleeting physical pleasures in exchange for true happiness, both in this world and the next.
Yes, just as these two critically important issues - of community, of belonging to something, combined with a renewed emphasis on the foundations of emunah and hashkafa at a young age - are indicative of why people become Orthodox, perhaps they are also two of the most integral components in ensuring that those who are Orthodox stay Orthodox. We can’t afford to ignore them.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Ungrateful son-n-law letter fake!
From this week's Yated:
WHY DO YOU BELIEVE EVERYTHING YOU READ?
Dear Editor,
Cynicism has its drawbacks, but it is also very important in our lives. People who swallow everything they hear or read are in danger of falling for scams, rip-offs, being taken advantage of, and being left looking like an utter fool. Jews, especially, have not been known to be gullible. Maybe it’s our upbringing. We see how the Gemara takes nothing for granted and every statement must be backed up with solid proof or else it is met with a “Meiheicha teiseh?”
I must admit to being disturbed by the number of people who take letters in the Yated - many of them totally anonymous letters, mind you - at face value and allow themselves be carried away and be taken for rides. I have nothing against readers expressing opinions. But that is all it is: an anonymous opinion. Just because a letter is signed, “A Mental Health Professional,” or “A Teacher,” or “A Hurting Mother,” or “A Son-in-Law,” does not guarantee in any way that any such person wrote that letter.
For all any of us know, someone wrote it for the kicks, or to get people upset, or to support a cause, or for any other number of reasons. Take what any letter says for what it says, but don’t go around telling your friends, “You know, I read a letter where a son-in-law said the most disgusting things which display such bad middos! And this is a ‘learning’ person! I mean, can you imagine?!”
You don’t know that any such person ever wrote any such letter. These letters in the Yated get quoted, posted, e-mailed, talked about, and they take on a life of their own. It becomes ‘fact’ that such and such a person said such and such a thing about such and such a topic. All this shows is how many people are gullible. It shows little else.
How do I know this? Because I did a terrible thing. I am very embarrassed to admit it, and I almost decided not to write this letter. But I realized that the only way to undo the damage done is to write again to this very forum. There were no “two yungeleit” who were upset at their shver for asking them to say a shtikel Torah. Are there yungeleit who lack hakoras hatov? Probably. Are there people of all stripes and colors who lack hakoras hatov? For sure.
But these two were made up. How do I know? Because I made them up. I wrote that letter, which got so many people upset. Now you’re thinking that I am a terrible person. I won’t argue. I am terribly ashamed of what I did, and even more disturbed by the motzie shem rah I caused. Honestly, I thought more people would catch on that it was a fake. I guess that’s the excuse I made for myself when I wrote it. It was such a stereotypical letter, throwing in the support they receive and the car, all just to throw it all back in the shver’s face. I was just throwing in all the ‘code words’ to get a rise out of people. And it worked. Sadly.
I don’t even know why I did it. I guess partly for the kicks and partly because I was angry at my own son-in-law. So I let it out in this (destructive) way. If I’d have to be honest, I must admit that I ask my son-in-law for a lot more than just a shtikel Torah. I guess I’ve tried to run his life, mix into his private business, and I got brushed off - politely, but firmly. I was mad and I let it out in this terrible way.
I ask mechilah of everyone, and hope this will serve as an example in the future.
Unless a letter is signed by a real name, take it with a truckload of salt.
A Contrite Father-in-Law
Thursday, June 05, 2008
While we live in Galut, we will always be oppressed
Another letter from Yated (attn Sephardi Lady)
QUIZZED BY THE SHVER
Dear Editor,
Why do I have to feel like I am being farhered every time I go to my shver’s house in Brooklyn? I understand that he gives us money each month and we appreciate that very much. But does that mean that I have to be subject to questions about what I’m learning and pressured to say vertlach on the parsha every time we visit?
My in-laws are very nice people. They shower my wife, 5 children and me with gifts, they bought us a car, among other things, and graciously give us a monthly check to keep us afloat. Is that the reason that my father-in-law feels compelled to quiz me every time I come to his house? I mentioned this issue to a friend of mine who said that he experiences the same exact thing. This friend encouraged me to write this letter to the Yated. Actually, he’s pushed me for months to write something, but I never got around to it.
Perhaps there is a father-in-law out there who can explain it to us. Why do you have to bombard us with your questions on our limudim and with your vertlach on this inyan or that inyan? It is not that we aren’t interested. It is just that we somehow are made to feel that we have to constantly be ready for our next “exam” when we meet you.
(This is surely not as bad as a different friend’s shver who actually makes him fax a shtickel Torah to him once a month. This friend lives in Yerushalayim, while his father-in-law lives in New York.)
There are other issues about in-laws that my friend wanted me to share, but for now I think this one will suffice.
Answers, anyone?
QUIZZED BY THE SHVER
Dear Editor,
Why do I have to feel like I am being farhered every time I go to my shver’s house in Brooklyn? I understand that he gives us money each month and we appreciate that very much. But does that mean that I have to be subject to questions about what I’m learning and pressured to say vertlach on the parsha every time we visit?
My in-laws are very nice people. They shower my wife, 5 children and me with gifts, they bought us a car, among other things, and graciously give us a monthly check to keep us afloat. Is that the reason that my father-in-law feels compelled to quiz me every time I come to his house? I mentioned this issue to a friend of mine who said that he experiences the same exact thing. This friend encouraged me to write this letter to the Yated. Actually, he’s pushed me for months to write something, but I never got around to it.
Perhaps there is a father-in-law out there who can explain it to us. Why do you have to bombard us with your questions on our limudim and with your vertlach on this inyan or that inyan? It is not that we aren’t interested. It is just that we somehow are made to feel that we have to constantly be ready for our next “exam” when we meet you.
(This is surely not as bad as a different friend’s shver who actually makes him fax a shtickel Torah to him once a month. This friend lives in Yerushalayim, while his father-in-law lives in New York.)
There are other issues about in-laws that my friend wanted me to share, but for now I think this one will suffice.
Answers, anyone?
Thursday, May 29, 2008
New Horizons in Chutzpa
A yeshiva bocher who is looking for a Shidduch writes the following in this week's Yated:
[snip]
So it looks like this bocher believes that marriage is properly a matter decided between a boy's rebbe and a girl's rebbe. Not only don't the parents have a say, neither do the potential chattan and kallah!
90% of us boys have rabbeim whom we speak to during the dating process. From the girls I have dated and hear about, it seems that only 10% speak with someone smarter than them to help make the right decisions (and parents don’t count).
[snip]
Recently, a major shadchan wrote an article stating that 80% of the time, it’s the girl who says no at an advanced stage because “it just didn’t click,” which is not a real reason that any rov would say is enough to break a potential shidduch.
So it looks like this bocher believes that marriage is properly a matter decided between a boy's rebbe and a girl's rebbe. Not only don't the parents have a say, neither do the potential chattan and kallah!
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